Ohio Valley Unitarian Universalist Congregation

Waun Moving Beyond Tolerance

By The Rev. Renee Waun

POSTED: May 3, 2008

Tolerance. We could use more of it in our world nowadays. There are so many ways we could be practicing it. Well known advocates have won the Nobel Peace prize for it over the years but the IG-Nobel peace Prize once went to a Japanese man names Daisuke Inoue — who, according to a press release, “invented” karaoke, thereby providing an entirely new way for people to tolerate each other.

Heated debates in the Presidential primaries and other current events have already shown us that tolerance can be elusive in our society. WE notice bumper stickers such as these, which have been around for a long time: “hate is not a Family Value”; “Me People Suck”; “My kid can beat up your honor student”; “Visualize World Peace”; “Forget World Peace, Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!”

In many of our houses of worship we affirm the inherent worth and dignity of EVERY person, and encourage their spiritual growth — we believe in the democratic process and the goal of world community for every person — and we celebrate the diversity of every person. If people of faith can indeed claim such religious principles, then we have our work cut out for us.

My friends, it might take a lot more than karaoke to learn this kind of tolerance.

Somehow we have to figure out how to do this, and it starts right in our own neighborhoods and perhaps even in our own families, as we attend upcoming gatherings for Mother’s day, graduations, weddings, and reunions. How do we come together and bridge differences at the various levels of community where we live and learn, work and play?

I once saw a button on someone’s shirt that said, “TEACH TOLERANCE.” But is tolerance enough?

None of us want to be merely tolerated. What if my Dad hugged me and said, “Oh Renee, I TOLERATE you.” Or at a class reunion a friend said, “As your classmate, I’ve been wanting to say how much I’ve always TOLERATED you.”

Or what if my co-worker-colleague said to me, “I want you to know how very much I TOLERATE you.” Or if my teacher/mentor said, “ I’ve finally gotten to the point where I can really TOLERATE you.” Of course, I want something better than that.

When I think about this, I realize there is really a continuum of responses that we could have to other people, and it’s important to understand this continuum. It looks like this. At the center of the continuum is noticing that the “other” is different. (I’m imagining that we are talking about a new next door neighbor, for instance. I notice that this person is quite different from myself and my family.)

From the center point of noticing that your neighbor is different, you can go either way on the continuum of response. If you turn one way, you are on the pathway of fear. If you turn the opposite way, you are on the pathway of love. I think the pathway of fear looks something like this when noticing differences in your new neighbor; (you might use other words)

●          Curious in a mistrustful way

●          Judgmental and negative

●          Not liking

●          Wanting to change the “other” to be more like me

●          Being aggressive toward the other

●          Hating

The pathway of fear is one of paranoia; it’s hanging on to one’s own truth with white knuckles; it may be fearful of change and therefore it is low risk — needing to feel safe. The pathway of fear is ultimately life destroying for both the self and the neighbor.

The pathway of love, on the other hand, moves from noticing the “other” to a place of tolerance, and then to wanting to seek common ground, accepting the “other” without judging, then appreciating the “other” and finally celebrating — as a gift — the very difference that the “other” represents.

When you’re on the pathway of love you are open to the adventure of difference. You hold your truth with palms up, not clutching toward your gut. You feel eager and alive and risky. Perfect love casts out fear.

And unfortunately the opposite is also true: perfect fear casts out love, and leads to being hateful and teaching hate and intentionally separating oneself from those who are different.

With all due respect to those who work at being tolerant, I believe that people of faith have a broader vision that must reach up the continuum — beyond tolerance.

Tolerance is a worthy thing, but it must be, for us, an interim goal. Tolerance is a stepping stone, not a FINAL goal. Because we are on the path of love, our goal must be to work toward acceptance and affirmation and even celebration.

It is much harder to achieve, but certainly it is  the higher good, in light of our religious values.

To move beyond tolerance — to affirm and celebrate ALL neighbors and friends  and strangers and family members alike — is not an easy thing. In fact, some of us may even say it’s impossible and even too radical.

So in order to achieve our goal of moving beyond tolerance, we sometimes have to be able to see a bigger picture; one that puts the utter foolishness of intolerance into perspective; one that speaks to our common human vulnerability and need for compassion.

Let us show those who are judgmental and unaccepting that there is something called tolerance that is essential if our country is to survive the challenges that loom before us.

But more than that, let us show the world that the pathway of love does not end at tolerance, but in fact, continues to move toward sheer celebration of all those who are different from us.

As people of faith, we are called to see the bigger picture. Are we up to it? It won’t be easy.

But that is the challenge for all of us in the days ahead, at our family dinner tables, in our multicultural communities, and in the global village of which we are a part. We can do it if we try.

Start at the beginning and move step by step forward on the pathway of love.

Anyone for karaoke?